"DANKE"

-written by
Sudeep "The Shaktiman"
Suhas "The Great Mahajan"

DANKE...
rat-ta-ta-tad rat-ta-ta-tad rat-ta-ta-tad DANKE....
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DANKE makes onions cry.
DANKE can delete the Recycling Bin.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that DANKE' PC will crash.
Ghosts are actually caused by DANKE killing people faster than Death can process them.
DANKE can build a snowman….. out of rain.
DANKE can strangle you with a cordless phone.
DANKE can drown a fish.
DANKE can play the violin…… …with a piano.
When DANKE enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on,……… …. he turns the dark off.
DANKE once had a heart attack…… ……… his heart lost.
When DANKE looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between DANKE and DANKE.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. DANKE can throw Brett Favre even further.
The last digit of pi is DANKE. He is the end of all things.
DANKE does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Bullets dodge DANKE.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to DANKE and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
DANKE' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools DANKE.
If you spell DANKE wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean DANKE?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
DANKE can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Once a cobra bit DANKE' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
When DANKE gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
DANKE can kill two stones with one bird.
DANKE was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. DANKE can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
There is no such thing as global warming. DANKE was cold, so he turned the sun up.
DANKE can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
DANKE has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
It takes DANKE 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
DANKE once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects DANKE could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is DANKE.
DANKE destroyed the periodic table, because DANKE only recognizes the element of surprise.
DANKE got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
With the rising cost of gasoline, DANKE is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
The square root of DANKE is pain. Do not try to square DANKE, the result is death.
When you say "no one's perfect", DANKE takes this as a personal insult.
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Top DANKE Facts Published 1. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures DANKE has allowed to live.
2. Outer space exists because it''s afraid to be on the same planet with DANKE.
3. DANKE counted to infinity twice.
4. When DANKE does a pushup, he isnt lifting himself up, hes pushing the Earth down.
5. DANKE is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
6. DANKE doesn''t wear a watch; HE decides what time it is.
7. DANKE gave Mona Lisa that smile.
8. DANKE can slam a revolving door.
9. There are no races, only countries of people DANKE has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
10. DANKE''s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
11. DANKE can divide by zero.
12. Newton''s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a DANKE turnaround kick.
13. When taking the GRE, write "DANKE for every answer. You will score over 1600.
14. DANKE has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
15. DANKE grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
16. Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim as "one who has encountered DANKE
17. If you Google search "DANKE getting kicked you will generate zero results. It just doesn''t happen.
18. DANKE can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
19. DANKE doesn''t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
20. It takes DANKE 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
21. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until DANKE kicked one of the corners off.
22. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, DANKE lives in Chennai.
23. DANKE once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
24. James Cameron wanted DANKE to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
25. Thousands of years ago DANKE came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decedents now have white hair